Motherhood is not for the weary. When I think back to when I was pregnant with Claire, I just knew that this was what I was meant to do in life. I was right, but I did not have a clue what I was talking about. Motherhood is nothing like I thought it would be. It is so much harder...way harder than I expected.
My three kids are my everything. I would give my life for them and try my hardest every day to make their lives as perfect as possible. I go overboard on holidays, I buy them too many clothes and too much stuff, and I get overly excited about little things. I never waver on them attending church and creating their own relationships with the Lord. But, perfect does not always mean "perfect". It could mean pushing Claire to try out for dances that she may not make, pushing Owen to play tball when he is still figuring it out and he may feel a bit unsure of himself, pushing Bree to attend Sunday school even though she is attaching herself to me in the likes of a howler monkey, or even making all three of them do chores when they beg not to and absolutely hate it...accusing me of making them my slaves :). But it may also mean letting Owen have a snack after dinner even though he would not touch the spaghetti at dinner, letting Claire go play outside even though she was supposed to be grounded, or letting 3 year old Bree still sleep in our bed. I believe in discipline and learning from our losses and sad times. I also believe in grace and showing/teaching it to our children.
My main belief is that our parenting is our parenting and not anyone else's business but ours and the Lord's. It took me three kids to learn this and I pray that all parents eventually find their stride and feel the same. This is not saying we don't screw up and have to apologize or change our ways, but it means that we own this and do not need other opinions to sway us otherwise. My guidance and teacher is the Lord and I pray everyday for Him to make me a better mama and to show me ways I can improve or change.
The thing I have realized is that the Lord has put each of these kids in my life to teach me something very important. Each child has impacted my life in a different way.
Claire is in my life to make me a better woman. My life goal and mantra is be the woman I want her (and Bree) to be. I have changed how I look at everything all thanks to Claire. She challenges me to be a better Christian woman and not be shy about my faith. I have to exemplify a strong, kind woman to her that forgives and forgets. That no matter what circumstance, is kind and always taking the high road. I am challenged to be a better wife because of Claire. I am more successful in my job because of Claire. She is so intuitive and is watching my every move. The Lord speaks to me through Claire's eyes. She is my little walking reminder of the strong woman I need and want to be.
Owen is my breath of fresh air. I have never had my patience tested more in my life than with Owen Brown. He takes life slower than the rest of us. I am very fast-natured person and I had to learn to slow down to relate to him. I have learned the sting of my words with him. I have learned to speak slower and kinder. He is the kind of person that can get his feelings hurt easily. I have seen how my words can hurt feelings and to think before I speak. Most of all he has taught me to sit back, relax and to be thankful for our little life. Owen is easy going and before him, I am not sure Rachel and easy going were used in the same sentence...I have changed to the kind of mom that can let things roll off her back, not worry so much, and just enjoy time home with our family because of my sweet, hilarious Owen.
Bree is my heart. I have always loved all my kids, but Bree took it to a whole other level. She made me love my children more than I thought I could. She taught me to hug and kiss them more than before and to hold them as much as possible. She taught me that nothing is is guaranteed and that I can never take a day for granted. I do fail at that, but never a day goes by that I am not praying to remember because of her. Some of you may know that Bree's pregnancy was not an easy one and I almost lost her. I changed my life because of her. I was re-baptized and renewed my walk with the Lord. Because of Bree, I am a changed person. She cuddles with us. She is always telling us she loves us and how much :). She loves to give kisses, right on the mouth. She hates to be away from us. She is loves her people and makes us better people.
With all this being said, I have bad days and I fail. But, the great thing is the Lord picks me right back up and take the next day on full force. We can't be too hard on ourselves. We moms are rock stars. These kids love us and we are the best in their eyes. No wonder we get a day to celebrate how awesome we are :).
Happy Mother's Day Mamas!!!
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